An open letter to David Slade

My lurvely letter to the Slademister that was previously posted on Thinking of Rob

Hello all, my mom calls me ‘Mistake’ but the Twitter-verse knows me as KStewDevotee or Elle. The ToR gals suggested I do a fuckery post so here goes my ‘Brilliant’  letter:

Dear Slademister,

I hope you don’t mind the pics of Rob & Kris that will be spontaneously placed in this letter

I know this made you swoon David. No one resist the smirk. No one.

: clears throat : Let’s begin

It’s the last days of shooting Eclipse, I ask of you just one thing. But first let me explain the great joy it brings me that the movie is wrapping up…

You weren’t the most interesting Twitter-er. Sorry I just had to put it out there. You gave us pictures of grass, headlights & erm Taylor LaOutner (btw tell Tay-Tay that I hate his voice but lurve his physique). A friend pointed out that those pictures were your actual POV because you’re like really short. Sad.

Erm Twilight sucked Monkey, no Gorilla balls. A lot was left out. For example the ‘I Love You’s’ & the mother-loving ‘BloodType’ Cougar Hardwicke replaced it with a constipated Edward. : Oh but I still lurves me some Robwardo:

& what is it that I ask of you Sir Slademister?

The Leg Hitch

I typed ‘Leg’ on Google & the first thing that came up was ‘Leg Hitch Eclipse’

This is primal. The most important part of the movie. Okay maybe not the MOST but if it’s one of the first things I think about when I hear the word Eclipse then it has to be important. Or maybe I should get laid.

So why is it so imperative?

Well think of it this way Slademister, Cullenster has been a virgin for 100+ years. Can you imagine how blue his balls are? They’re probably Ivory right now. A Leg Hitch will endow the Cullenster a little friction in the groin area. & we all know that Bella’s a little slore deep down, so she teases poor Cullenster.

Sigh

Such a Fierce tease <3

So if you want to avoid millions of death wishes, I hope you filmed the Leg Hitch

& now that I have you undivided attention I have another suggestion. You probably think I’ve misspelled Edwardo’s name. I digress. Edwardo Cullenster is a pretty bad-ass name. You can use it for Eclipse & claim that is was your idea because I know it’s BRILLIANT!

Well Sr. Slademister, I hope you didn’t fuck up Eclipse. Well if you did it will only make my MUSE Mr. Weitzmister look imperative compared to you! Bwahahaha! I kid I kid. The Saga can only allow one fuck up & Catherine Hardwicke took the Crown, Thrown & Palace.

Well that is all for now Slademister.  You = Rock!

P.S.

Tell Kristen Stewart, that I bow to her & her Fierceness! & tell Rob I bow to him & his disco stick.

Lurve Elle