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Archive for the ‘Schmerbles’ Category

OH HAI THERE

(btw am I the only one who noticed the lady smothering the child in this pic? lol)

So last night was the LA premier of Eclipse, I woke up to a lovely text from a Bunny <3 & I err squeed. Passed out rather early & missed most of The Pretty. Source #2 is in the Caribbean sipping margaritas while I’m in the city dying from this fucking heat-wave. Off topic much? Yes. Lets get on track now shall we? Yes. Quick & short post.

& how fab did Kris look last night?

Very fab.

The Pretty

These two can’t possibly can any prettier. :no words… speechless like GaGa:

Question? Why can’t people enjoy The Pretty w/o being bitter sacks of shit?

BREATHE THE PRETTY, ENJOY THE PRETTY… IT’S LIKE GODS VAGINA

& this is the highlight of the post: look at the first 15 secs of this video.. BURN much? lol irl

Taylor can’t resist The Pretty

& maybe he thought things with Rob would go beyond their Brokeback Mountain shoot…I kid…maybe

Let’s end this post with PapaStew. FTW

Next week our ‘Eclipse Frenzy’ post will be up & our lovely ladies are traveling to the Big Apple for the premier. Oh & Miss. Stewart will be here as well so double squee :)

–xoxo Elle

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*stretch & yawn* Hello all, G here lets play :)

So how about those MTV Movie Awards? Our inner fan-girl was not so inner last night. We were all chanting “They Better KISS” (now I ask myself err why does it matter? & to be honest, I don’t know I just want these KPattz Blue Balls err Ovaries to go bye bye)

Let’s start off by giving a big congrats to our girl for winning Best Female Performance *fist pump*

Kristen was celestial last night. We are beyond proud of our girl. She had a VERY shit week, But look at her :) Head.Held.High… As it should be.

Ruth is so cute in the background ♥

& can we also say how fab she looked? Hair = Win… D&G Skirt & Top = Win… Rousseau Shoes = Win… Makeup =Win… Oh & that Double Infinity Ring = Major Win Kristen Stewart = WIN!

& how delicious did Rob look? Congrats on your Global Super Star & Best Male Performance Awards!

he can almost wrap his hands around that pop-corn…oh those hands…oh oh o

I’m a bit miffed that Sn00ki didn’t get to interview Kristen. I wanted Kristen to pull out one of her EPIC Bitch-Face cards for calling her a whore. *sigh* Maybe next year? Ok maybe not. Let’s keep our girl Jersey Shore Free (even though we want Breaking Dawn’s Isle Esme to be filmed on the Jersey Shore)

Gorgeous Kids are Gorgeous

Before you proceed: If you hate people speaking about Rob & Kristen as a couple or w/e I think it’s time to…


The ‘They May or May not have Kissed’ Scene

BTW not that I’m calling anyone out Elle But I think everyone was nervous when this part of the show came on… Right Miss. I think I need a shot of Jameson guys ELLE!!!

So did they kiss? According To Our Sources, Yes. But, you be the judge. Not that it really matters what they do in public ;)


For those who were SHAKING & RAGING & CRYING & SCREAMING because of Kristen last night. Here you go: Kill them with a smile sweet Stew

The awards this year were great, & what made it better was Pirate’s highly caffeinated Grey Goose Iced Tea, so let’s end this with one of my favorite part in the award The Face Mush ♥


–xoxo G

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Hai guise, it’s Source #2 (G) & yes I’m sort of doing this post solo since Source #1 (Elle) has been doing the past 5743y2598  post with her new BFF the BUTT!!

Before we begin, have you guise seen this amazing video?! if not: WATCH IT. LIVE IT. LEARN IT & LOVE IT!!

So…I usually lurk the Devotee twatter account just to be in the ‘know’. & some have been asking/emailing us the following questions, oh & be sure to click on the links ;)

  1. Are Robert & Kristen doing this for PR because of Summit?
  2. Why aren’t you a SHIPPER? *gag*:I loathe the word shipper along with the term Robsten….it’s KPattz MOFO:
  3. Why don’t you tweet as much or your funny stories & RL issues?
  4. Did Rob really have something going on with Nikki Reed?
  5. Is Robert circumcised? :okay no one’s asked that, just Elle…she’s prays to bebe Jesus that his peen has an identity:

So I’ll try to answer these questions that obviously won’t let some people sleep peacefully at night. (& if you’re having difficulty sleeping at night because of this, you should lit’rally 1. Seek professional help 2. Take a few shots of Jameson 3. Benadryl Extra Strength 4. Fap until you pass out 5. find a RL JOB (stalking the AT & IMDb boards is not a job & shouldn’t even be a hobby) Not that I’m judging those who do this #JudgmentFreeZone. (more…)

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Hello all! Sorry for the delay, & thanks for the emails asking if we quit ATMS. No, we haven’t. But ‘real life’ was hectic. Let’s begin!

Soooo next week is the NYC premier of The Runaways. The Sources & Co. are going to the premier.


Source #1 took a ‘No Fangirling’ vow. & Source #2 threatened to punch her in the neck if she shows any signs of ‘Fangirling’. We’ve read what people have said about things you should NOT do when you meet the Almighty Fierce One, here’s our list:

Do NOT:

  • Ask her about Twilight. We’ve noticed that she does so much better when anything Twilight related isn’t mention. Hence her amazing Interview with Jay Leno ;)
  • Approach her and go “I’m panicking I’m panicking omg!”
  • Ask her about Rob. She will Bitch-Face you. & that will most likely be caught on camera for all world to see. & we will make fun of you #Trust.

  • Scream at her. She might take out her water gun & squirt you in the eye with Jack D.
  • Ask if they used one of her bras for Rob modesty patch in Remember Me. Kris is probably an A-Cup & in our pervy little minds we think Rob has a Monster Peen.
  • Grab her boobs to check if she has her Nipples Pierced.

  • Do not go all CoolSpotter’s & wear any & everything you’ve seen her wearing. Jewelry included. it’s just not fucking cool. At.All.
  • Mention Nikki Reed. No explanations needed.
  • Ask if Oregano took her V-Card.
  • Tell her Martha Stewart has the best pie in the world.
  • Mention Rob’s Hello Kitty collection.
  • Touch her Shag.

  • Ask whether or not her boyfriend is circumcised. :LOL:
  • Ask to bum a fag, chances are she’ll bum one from you.
  • Show her her Team Bella Tattoo. She is NOT Bella Fuckers!
  • Don’t fucking hover. You’re not a UFO.
  • Try & Bitch-Face her. She’ll think you’re constipated & hand you Imodium
  • Expect her to speak to you & Do not think you have a right to speak to her.

& last but not least….

  • NEVER TAKE A PICTURE WITH KRISTEN STEWART. Why? Because in our opinion it’s usually Beauty & the Beast… she is Beauty. *hides*

Cioa!

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Hello again. Valentines day is this Sunday. Yay right? No, not really. The men we want are all taken. Rob, Jesse, GOD, Shia, & maybe TomStu. Therefore… we’ve invested our time to make a very quick Valentines Day Post for KPattz… MOFO

To makes things easier for both Rob & Kris we did a short list of things they can buy each other. Please click on the links or the post wont make sense to you.

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In a recent interview Kristen did with DarkHorizon.com she stated that she 1. Has herself on Google Alert (she was probably joking… hopefully she wasn’t) & 2. Has a “clear horizon” meaning that she doesn’t know what she’s doing next. Good for you Stew! *fist pump*

Sooo we took it upon ourselves to erm say what she ‘will do’… ENJOY!

Why so pretty Kitty?

  • Arrange her Chucks in color order
  • Google herself
  • Practice her Bitch-Face
  • Erase the K-11 script from MamaStews MAC. That’s the only script that counts
  • Lurk on all the LiveJournal accounts… especially Team_KBitch
  • TP Oregano’s house
  • Make manips of her & Jesse Eisenberg
  • Watch all of Turrets Guy’s videos
  • Stalk the Paparazzi with a throw away camera
  • Write a great American novel… or not

Click for more amigos!

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The Sundance Film Festival is just days away, & If you’ve been living in a staircase with a cat named Pepper like Source #1 &2’s hobo friend Mike, you may have missed that 2 of The Fierce One’s films will be premiering:

The Runaways & Welcome To The Riley’s.


  We are Stew Devotees so we made a list of Do’s & Dont’s that Kristen MUST follow for Sundance 2010   

Sundance Stew Do’s

  • Get a spa treatment to detox from Brit pack’s ciggies, beer and hot pockets
  • Cancel her Co-Star in ‘The Runaways’  Ali Shawkat’s hotel/lodge reservation… She’s rumored to be dating Oregano
  • Order a shit-load of Room service & send it the Jesse’s room
  • Smoke a fatty with James Franco
  • Wear the ski mask she knitted herself so she won’t be recognized
  • Sell hats & mitts she knitted herself & donate the $ to Haiti
  • Sneak into Ryan Gosling’s room & erm practice her Breaking Dawn lurve scene…& end up at Jesse Eisenberg’s :h00r:
  • Wear her Red Joan Jett outfit for the premier of ‘Welcome to the Riley’s’ & nothing to the premier of ‘The Runaways’. UNF
  • Since Stephanie ‘queen of irrelevance’ Pratt announced that she will be attending Sundance, Kristen should just walk up & FACE PUNCH HER.

 click for more purty people! (more…)

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